116 – John – “How do I explain this potential remarriage situation to my parents who are against it?”
“Hello brother Michael, I need your counsel regarding a potential marriage situation which is complicated. The woman I would like to marry, was previously married in her late teens, before she was born again, after her and parents were convinced by the church leaders, who twisted various Bible stories to support that the marriage would be a good one. The man’s family was quite wealthy, and it appears the church believed they would benefit financially from this arrangement, which would bring the man’s family into their church.
Eventually her and her parents gave in and they got married. The man was a chronic drunkard, smoked like a chimney and squandered every financial help his dad gave him for them to be established. Things were so bad that when she was pregnant with their son, he didn’t even have the money to take her to her pre-birth appointment and she wasn’t eating well so the child was born with health complications and almost died but thankfully he’s now fully recovered and well.
In the midst of this pain, she began to fully follow hard after the Lord and was now a very committed Christian, born again. In the end he asked her to leave their home, that he no longer wanted to be with her, even though he was the one in the wrong. She begged him and tried to get him to stay even though many nights she was the one that would clean him up from his drunken stupor and cover his shame when he wrecked one business after another, leaving them in the penury.
Yet he said he was leaving her and wanted a divorce, but when she decided to stay in the house, he left her and went back to his parent’s place and left her with the child, and he was home for more than two years (which by the way, by Nigerian law, that will render such a marriage dissolved or annulled).
After holding on and praying and hoping for a reconciliation, and even going to meet him for many years, she eventually agreed to his request for a separation and her father went to the court a few months ago to get a certificate of the marriage being dissolved since they wouldn’t come for the their bride price, and it was obvious they were playing games.
She had spent many years seeking the Lord, studying the word of God, reading many books on the topic of marriage, and seeking counsel from others about this to know if she would ever be able to marry again biblically. She said she had received numerous confirmations that this would be fine, given the circumstances of falsehood at the beginning, and him leaving during their marriage which was not her desire. She even said that many times when she wanted to go back to him, the Lord would tell her NO.
Sir, I have also been praying about this and I feel the peace in my heart also for us to be able to marry and not be in sin from all that she’s said, but I do need some explanation as to how to apply to commands of Christ in the gospels about divorce and remarriage being adultery in Matthew 19, and comparing that to what Paul said in 1 Corinthians 7:15 where he is said if the unbelieving depart, let them depart, such a brother or sister is not in bondage in such a case.
I’ve always thought of divorced people remarrying as being in sin in all my Christian life, but I never thought I would be the one in this situation now. Sir please, is there any biblical basis for us not coming together in marriage? Jesus said if anyone marries a woman who has been put away by her husband, that person would be committing adultery, but also in 1 Corinthians 7:15 Paul said that if an unbelieving man is no longer pleased to be with his wife, that the sister is not in bondage in that instance. Please sir, I really need your spiritual counsel concerning this matter. And what would be the best way of telling my parents as they are in a holiness church that frowns so hardly on this and barely would give such people a chance?
I am so sorry for the long email but all this week, I’ve had this in my mind, and I can’t rest. We love each other deeply and plan to get married towards the middle of next year but we will need to be clear on what the will of God is on this before moving on.
Thanks sir, John ”
Seeking God’s Will in Remarriage
The desire for companionship, for the love and support of a spouse, is a natural and God-given longing. But in our pursuit of this blessing, it's all too easy to get ahead of God, to allow our own desires, or the opinions of others, to cloud our judgment and lead us down a path that is not God’s best for us. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" (Proverbs 3:5-6).
Seeking God's will in relationships requires a heart of surrender. We must be willing to lay down our own preferences, our own timelines, and even our own desires, and ask, "Lord, what is your will in this matter?" This can be a difficult process, especially when our hearts are yearning for a specific outcome. But it is in this surrender that we open ourselves to God's guidance and His perfect plan.
God can use both blessings and afflictions to shape us into the image of Christ. The joys and sorrows, the triumphs and setbacks, all work together for our good, drawing us closer to Him and deepening our dependence on His grace. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose" (Romans 8:28).
Trusting God's timing is rarely easy. We may feel like we are waiting in the wilderness, longing for the promised land, and the journey can feel long and arduous. But even in the waiting, God is at work. He is refining our faith, strengthening our character, and preparing us for the blessings He has in store. "But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint" (Isaiah 40:31).
If you are seeking God's will in a relationship, but like John have family standing against you who may be ignorant of God’s full word and heart on the matter, remember the example of Samson. His parents questioned his choice of a wife, but God had a greater purpose in mind. "He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord" (Proverbs 18:22). Seek God's guidance, surrender your desires to His will, and trust that He will lead you to the path that is best for you, even if it doesn't align with your own plans or the expectations of others.
